We don’t have to look far for life advice…we are fairly inundated with it…adages abound.
But I have had a couple of unexpected gems come my way that have made a world of difference…
Joy, the ageless octogenarian mentioned in “Take Hold of Life” offered one…
She divided the world into those who were ‘in her bundle’ and those who weren’t.
While it sounded faintly Native-American, I never knew the origin.
(Now a lot of people do this innately…out of coldness, lacking maturity. “Me and mine” types, for whom no one else exists. I leave them to their consciences.)
So, in helping people, which a good many of us are trying to do, Joy had the wisdom to recognize who was ‘in her bundle’ and who wasn’t.
“In her bundle” was an indication of who she should be concerned with…those in her care...those she could help. It seemed to be something she sensed in her heart.
Simple. Straightforward.
Honestly, it went against my bent and what I was taught from early on…
Love everybody-help everybody…which, in all practicality, doesn’t work all that well.
Joy’s novel approach caught my attention. I was intrigued…
I wondered if I could tell if I had a ‘bundle’ or not…and who might be in it…
Surprisingly, as soon as I applied the idea, it quickly became obvious to me…
It was a smallish bundle…
It was varied, as well. But those were the people whose needs were fitted to my abilities. We had each other’s ear. The timing was right… There was a sympathetic correspondence and rapport. We made sense to one another.
Everyone outside my bundle that I was striving to help…and STRIVING is the key word here…made little, if any, lasting progress. It was like pushing a string uphill…
I was doing all the heavy lifting, repeating myself, becoming exhausted and frustrated in the process. It just had a different ‘feel’ to it.
At any rate, this little gem turned the key in the lock…
The bundle is a movable thing, as well. Some are only meant to be in your bundle for a short time, while others might be there for the better part of a lifetime.
For the short-timers, you do what you can for them and then it’s time for them to move on…and for you to relinquish your responsibility.
Call back your energy when your assignment is complete. No regrets, no judgement. It’s just time and hopefully you did your best.
Recognizing…and then respecting that means that you will have to learn detachment. It’s not unloving. It’s just recognition that, on some level, conditions have changed…and so has the composition of your bundle.
Some people have graduated from your bundle… They got what they needed. They are walking well on their own now. Your purpose in each other’s lives has been accomplished. Other aspects of life are in play now.
But, if not, maybe a different ‘tool’ will be brought to bear. What they don’t want to hear from you they will listen to from someone else (this happens a lot with family members) Momma’s love can not be doubted, but her voice is too familiar…it grates.
A person’s style of learning might be that of figuring things out for themselves…even if it’s sometimes the hard way. They know you’re probably right, but they won’t admit it. They need to own their choices. (maybe respect that and don’t make things harder for them by striving…weighing in with unsolicited advice and pressure. Knowing when not to intervene can be a statement of love and respect).
Maybe a little Life has to happen as the next part of their life curriculum. Nothing to worry about…(although some of us are prone to fret).
In these days of covid and other medical decisions, helpers, researchers, friends and family have tried so very hard to bring information to their loved ones, friends and associates. They have agonized over the very real consequences of failing to heed those warnings. When harms arise, after all our efforts, the aftermath can be shattering.
But each person/soul is endowed with free will…
What we don’t realize is that this is how a soul learns…via the experience of their choices.
Some may heed the warning, some come to understanding a little late in the game, while still others will refuse all advice and information offered, many times with painful. even disastrous consequences. No matter how hard you tried, they chose to do things their way.
Maybe you have tried three times to reach a person… That’s usually the time to stop... I wish I had figured this out sooner…
But if that person was not ‘in your bundle,’ the odds are less.
It becomes a wasted effort of heart, mind, and soul.
Our hard-working stackers wind up exhausted, resentful…voices crying in the wilderness. They are eventually surrounded by an audience of people who agree with them all day long… ”preaching to the choir” they used to call it…
and the needle is still not moving.
Maybe we should examine ourselves at this point…we are the only ones we can help at times… Speak your peace…as wisely as you can. Then let it go.
Give things and people a rest…you can’t keep trying to break their heads open.
The tide is out… Wait until the tide rolls in again…which it inevitably will.
Should our lives go down the drain because we can do no more for now but let things play out?
(beating dead horses for clicks comes also to mind…)
Maybe we can cut our losses and bring our good energies of mind, heart and courage back into our own lives. Empty your own soul of all its heaviness now and then…
Take a breather… Pivot… Re-orient…
Perhaps you, Yourself, have graduated… from this experience, from this effort. Maybe YOU get to graduate to YOUR next level…
I watched as Joy lived this out…
I was more than happy to be in her bundle (and she in mine) for our time, but even that changed as her life demanded that her attentions and energies be drawn to life’s close.
In keeping with this demarcation, Joy conserved her energies…of heart and mind and soul. She accepted that she could not do it all…that she was not called to do it all.
She enjoyed life in between.
What if no one is in your bundle for a time? Many of us are used to the feeling of being needed and of helping. It was our role in the family, relationships… It’s all we’ve ever known. Should it be our only identity?
It can be a bit disorienting to stand for a time without a use or being needed, especially if your very identity is wrapped up in it… That also is a part of our learning….
Maybe it’s not all about non-stop helping other people. Maybe the end game is about everyone learning self-responsibility.
In "Self-Reliance," Ralph Waldo Emerson argues that polite society has an adverse effect on one's personal growth. Self-sufficiency, he writes, gives one the freedom to discover one's true self and attain true independence.
“A man should BE upright…not be KEPT upright.” Marcus Aurelius
What good is it really if we are supplying all the effort? Maybe let them fall…
…and find their own legs.
(that’s me learning the lesson…)
Joy had a kind of balance and canny wisdom…
…something that I also saw in a Haitian man who gave off a kind of ‘holiness’… He installed my cable as I moved in. Somehow, I had to engage him in conversation. Four years later, he still remains one of the bright spots in my memory. He opened up slowly…by degrees. He had a depth of spirituality that I had never encountered. Every bit of it was lived. He and his family were vegetarians by inspiration…each coming in their way and time. Pure bodies and minds coupled with deep revelation of understanding.
He also had the ‘bundle’ concept. He and his people were on a fast track to the best of human potential.
When I asked him how that had come through his culture, he remarked simply “that God had arranged for all the prophets to be enslaved and brought to the New World.”
“The prophets?” I asked.
“The ones descended from early Christianity…the Message Bearers…”
They kept to their pathway. He alerted me to vistas unknown…
Much like the humble folk of “The Deeetroit Choir”
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“Stay OUT of their karma”
Those unexpected words were conveyed with serious authority….
Another demarcation…
This one has saved me from so much trouble!
to be continued in the next post!
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Joy is introduced in Take Hold of Life…
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As always… Thanks for reading. Feel free to like, subscribe (always free), share and restack. I’m pretty sure you know someone else who needs this message…💖
Who’s in your bundle?
❤️🙏🏻